Metamorphosis
Lately, I feel that I am morphing as a mother and as a person, really. I feel that I am finally defining myself in my roles as a mother, wife, and woman. I remember thinking of being a homemaker (a term I would not have used)and a mom, and believing that it was a glamorous sort of lifestyle. I quickly learned that it is not, most of the time. This job I chose to do is hard at times and completely unglamorous most days. And for a few years (when Ava was really little), I really struggled with this. It kind of depressed me. Not that I didn't love being a mom and wife from day one. I even loved being home, but the day in and day out of it was not something I took enjoyment from. I felt that I wasn't doing enough, or that what I was doing didn't really matter. But something changed in me. And I really have to say that God changed my heart towards my job, because I think He knew I really wanted to find joy in it and that I felt the importance of the task I had chosen.
And as I have settled into this role with an open heart, I made a profound discovery. Being a mom, a wife, a homemaker, is not really about me at all. It's about much more. It's about our family. It's about our lifestyle and the legacy I will leave my children. I want to raise my children with loving, giving hearts; a respect for and connection to the earth that God has given us; wisdom to see past the wordly entrapments of life, and courage to live a life that I see to be increasingly difficult. What I choose to bring to this house, is of me, but what it affects is so much more. I want to bring joy, simplicity, laughter, and wisdom into my household. And I have to say, that many more days than not, I find that here now. When I chose to start thinking about my job in this light, I really found pleasure in it. I realize that our home is the heartbeat of this family, and that the attitude I have towards it affects everyone around me. I have tried to make choices that I know are good for my family and make the most of this life.
And what I have learned about me, is that I am honestly NOT the domestic goddess that I set out to be at first, and actually, I don't even want to be. I am much more comfortable being a simple homemaker. And I must have known this all along, and lost it somewhere along the way, because I remember dreaming of being on a ranch, and living a simple, peaceful life with 5 kids and an adoring husband. Even though I'm not on a ranch, I do have an adoring husband and wonderful kids. And I am starting to make choices that bring the aspects of a simple life to our home. I don't have to be in all the clubs, and sign my children up for a gazillion classes. I can homeschool and homestead, and work on making the most of my kids' childhoods. And as I have started to become the mom and woman that I am meant to be, I find nothing but pure joy in it.
And as I have settled into this role with an open heart, I made a profound discovery. Being a mom, a wife, a homemaker, is not really about me at all. It's about much more. It's about our family. It's about our lifestyle and the legacy I will leave my children. I want to raise my children with loving, giving hearts; a respect for and connection to the earth that God has given us; wisdom to see past the wordly entrapments of life, and courage to live a life that I see to be increasingly difficult. What I choose to bring to this house, is of me, but what it affects is so much more. I want to bring joy, simplicity, laughter, and wisdom into my household. And I have to say, that many more days than not, I find that here now. When I chose to start thinking about my job in this light, I really found pleasure in it. I realize that our home is the heartbeat of this family, and that the attitude I have towards it affects everyone around me. I have tried to make choices that I know are good for my family and make the most of this life.
And what I have learned about me, is that I am honestly NOT the domestic goddess that I set out to be at first, and actually, I don't even want to be. I am much more comfortable being a simple homemaker. And I must have known this all along, and lost it somewhere along the way, because I remember dreaming of being on a ranch, and living a simple, peaceful life with 5 kids and an adoring husband. Even though I'm not on a ranch, I do have an adoring husband and wonderful kids. And I am starting to make choices that bring the aspects of a simple life to our home. I don't have to be in all the clubs, and sign my children up for a gazillion classes. I can homeschool and homestead, and work on making the most of my kids' childhoods. And as I have started to become the mom and woman that I am meant to be, I find nothing but pure joy in it.
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